Something I Hold Onto
by Aranelle
Summary: Kendall and Logan dance around each other a lot, for no real reason. Companion piece to It Falls Right Into Place, You're All It Takes.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Companion piece to It Falls Right Into Place, You're All It Takes. Kendall and Logan's story.

**A/N: I was in the mood for cute Kendall/Logan, and this is what happened. Title inspired by "Quiet Please" by Heffron Drive, because appropriate music is appropriate.**

Kendall kissed his first girl when he was fifteen. Her name was Susie, and she was in his biology class. She had been flirting with Kendall for _months_ before she finally cornered him to ask him on a date. Kendall happily agreed and took Susie to dinner and a movie, and she spent the whole night laughing at his jokes (which really weren't that funny, because Kendall is honest with himself) and when she took his hand in the movie theater Kendall felt like the night was perfect. He leaned in to kiss her that night on her doorstep, and it felt…well, Kendall just figured he needed more practice, because kissing was weird. He took Susie out again a week later, and kissing her didn't feel quite so strange the second time around, but it was still weird. Kendall decided to call it off, because he didn't want to lead her on.

Kendall's next real kiss was a few months later, from Logan, of all people. They were playing the final minutes of the last hockey game of the season and were tied with the other team. Logan, being so small, was able to dodge the entirety of the other team and score the winning point. Kendall, James and Carlos converged on Logan with the rest of the team, and Logan's eyes were so bright Kendall thought he might burst. Logan grabbed Kendall and pulled him in close, eyes still sparkling, and pressed his lips against Kendall's firmly. Kendall pulled back, surprised, to look at Logan, who was flushing bright red. Kendall had smiled and shaken his head, letting Logan know that what had just happened wasn't a big deal.

Looking back on it, Kendall thinks that kiss with Logan was possibly the best he's ever had (which says a lot, Kendall thinks). Logan never tried to kiss him again after that, and Kendall thinks it's a shame. Of course, now that they're in Hollywood Kendall's not sure trying to develop a relationship with his very male best friend is a good idea. So Kendall waits, because Logan turned his whole world upside down with that kiss, and besides, Kendall feels like Logan's worth waiting for. Hollywood can suck it, he thinks.

So Kendall waits, and watches Logan, hoping that he'll figure himself out sooner rather than later. He went on dates with a few girls (and one guy, because why not) before they left for California, and now there's Jo, who is pretty and sweet and smells nice and Kendall _really_ likes her. But the thing is, he realises, is that she's not Logan. He tries to talk to Logan about it one day, using vague terms that he's sure Logan sees right through, but Logan doesn't call him on it so Kendall figures it means Logan's still working it out in his own mind. Kendall thinks this might take forever, so he decides to help Logan figure it out a little.

They're sitting at the pool one day when Kendall catches Logan doing that intense staring…thing he does a lot (and Kendall hopes it doesn't make him self centred if he thinks it's aimed at him most of the time), which means that Logan's thinking hard about something. Kendall smirks to himself and gets up from his chair, walking around it just enough that he's sure he's in Logan's line of sight. He stretches and slowly pulls his shirt off, watching as Logan flushes red and immediately looks away. It's exactly the response Kendall was hoping for, because now he's sure that that kiss all those months ago wasn't just a kiss. He's still not really sure how to bring it up though, because despite all this Logan still might try to play it off as nothing, and Kendall's not sure he wants to hear that. He decides, for right now, to just leave it alone and see what happens, because he's a "roll with the punches" kind of guy.

* * *

><p>Sometimes Logan wonders what he was thinking, kissing Kendall like that at the hockey game. He thinks, sometimes, that it might have affected his relationship with Kendall in ways they haven't quite figured out yet, because every now and then Logan will catch himself staring at Kendall and thinking about what it would be like to kiss him more often. Kendall never brought it up after it happened, so Logan assumed it meant he wanted to forget it. Logan thinks he's generally okay with this, and since they've come to California he's not sure a relationship with anyone, much less his male best friend, is a good idea anyway. Every now and then, though, Kendall will do things like stand in front of Logan at the pool and pull his shirt off in a decidedly seductive way and then turn to see Logan's reaction.<p>

Usually, when things like this happen, it's because Kendall's caught Logan staring at him, and Logan's pretty good at hiding his embarrassment at getting caught. Today though, when Kendall practically does a strip tease with one article of clothing (and how anyone can manage that is beyond Logan completely), Logan feels his face flush bright red and he averts his eyes immediately. If Kendall doesn't want him like that then Logan certainly doesn't want to make Kendall uncomfortable. He politely excuses himself from the pool and heads back up to the apartment, contemplating studying.

He's on his way to the elevators when he runs into Camille, who's dressed like a cheerleader, complete with pompoms. She blushes a little and asks what he's doing, and Logan thinks that it's maybe not a bad idea if she distracts him for awhile. She follows Logan back to 2J and they end up watching ridiculous reality TV for a half hour, and Logan thinks that when she's not being crazy Camille is actually pretty great. She scoots closer to him on the couch and Logan tentatively wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. She giggles a little and snuggles into him, and this is actually really nice. They sit like that for another hour, and when Logan walks her to the door Camille leans up to kiss him on the cheek. He smiles and they make plans to meet later that week, and all of a sudden Logan realises he has a _date_ with Camille and he's not sure what to do.

When Kendall walks in later Logan mentions in passing that he's got a date (and seriously, he's not sure how it happened, because the last time he checked he thought Camille was nuts), and is _almost_ completely positive he imagines the look of disappointment on Kendall's face. It's gone a second later though, and Kendall claps him on the back and congratulates him on finally finding a girl. Logan feels a little sick now, because in all honesty Camille's really not the one he wants to be going out with (not that she's not great, it's just that she's not _Kendall_, but he already committed and he's going to see it through.

The date goes fine, Logan thinks, but there was something…off, the whole night, and he thinks Camille picked up on it. He's not sure if it was his relative lack of enthusiasm (but really, Camille could make anyone look unenthusiastic) or something more, but when Camille corners him the next day to ask him about it he bets it's the latter. She drags him away to a quieter part of the lobby and sits him down in a chair before plopping down next to him.

"Logan," she says, smiling sympathetically, "our date didn't go very well last night. I have a feeling I know why, but I need to hear it from you."

"I'm sorry," Logan sighs, "I was just having an off day." He doesn't mention that Kendall had given him an almost hurt look before he left, and it had been on his mind all night. Camille smiles sympathetically again, and Logan wonders what she knows, or thinks she knows.

"It's okay, you know," she says, placing a hand on his knee, "Kendall's tough to get over. I mean, Jo's been having a hard time with it for awhile now, you're not the only one." Logan's eyes widen and he wonders if he has something written on his forehead, because he thought he was doing a good job of hiding this.

"But the thing is," she continues, smiling, "I don't think you need to. I've seen the way he looks at you Logan. He's been crazy about you since I first met you guys."

"I…what?" Logan says, and that's about all the coherency he can manage. Kendall is crazy about him? He thinks this might make sense, as he turns the idea over in his brain, because it would definitely explain all the times he's done weird things when Logan was staring at him. But then Logan thinks about what would happen if he and Kendall became more than friends, and…well. He really wants it, but it was a lot easier to want it when he was sure it wasn't an actual possibility. The potential consequences for Big Time Rush are huge, Logan thinks, and it could go _very_ badly. Camille gives him an encouraging smile before squeezing his knee and excusing herself, leaving Logan alone with his very confused thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometimes Logan wonders what he was thinking, kissing Kendall like that at the hockey game. He thinks, sometimes, that it might have affected his relationship with Kendall in ways they haven't quite figured out yet, because every now and then Logan will catch himself staring at Kendall and thinking about what it would be like to kiss him more often. Kendall never brought it up after it happened, so Logan assumed it meant he wanted to forget it. Logan thinks he's generally okay with this, and since they've come to California he's not sure a relationship with anyone, much less his male best friend, is a good idea anyway. Every now and then, though, Kendall will do things like stand in front of Logan at the pool and pull his shirt off in a decidedly seductive way and then turn to see Logan's reaction.

Usually, when things like this happen, it's because Kendall's caught Logan staring at him, and Logan's pretty good at hiding his embarrassment at getting caught. Today though, when Kendall practically does a strip tease with one article of clothing (and how anyone can manage that is beyond Logan completely), Logan feels his face flush bright red and he averts his eyes immediately. If Kendall doesn't want him like that then Logan certainly doesn't want to make Kendall uncomfortable. He politely excuses himself from the pool and heads back up to the apartment, contemplating studying.

He's on his way to the elevators when he runs into Camille, who's dressed like a cheerleader, complete with pompoms. She blushes a little and asks what he's doing, and Logan thinks that it's maybe not a bad idea if she distracts him for awhile. She follows Logan back to 2J and they end up watching ridiculous reality TV for a half hour, and Logan thinks that when she's not being crazy Camille is actually pretty great. She scoots closer to him on the couch and Logan tentatively wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. She giggles a little and snuggles into him, and this is actually really nice. They sit like that for another hour, and when Logan walks her to the door Camille leans up to kiss him on the cheek. He smiles and they make plans to meet later that week, and all of a sudden Logan realises he has a _date_ with Camille and he's not sure what to do.

When Kendall walks in later Logan mentions in passing that he's got a date (and seriously, he's not sure how it happened, because the last time he checked he thought Camille was nuts), and is _almost_ completely positive he imagines the look of disappointment on Kendall's face. It's gone a second later though, and Kendall claps him on the back and congratulates him on finally finding a girl. Logan feels a little sick now, because in all honesty Camille's really not the one he wants to be going out with (not that she's not great, it's just that she's not _Kendall_, but he already committed and he's going to see it through.

The date goes fine, Logan thinks, but there was something…off, the whole night, and he thinks Camille picked up on it. He's not sure if it was his relative lack of enthusiasm (but really, Camille could make anyone look unenthusiastic) or something more, but when Camille corners him the next day to ask him about it he bets it's the latter. She drags him away to a quieter part of the lobby and sits him down in a chair before plopping down next to him.

"Logan," she says, smiling sympathetically, "our date didn't go very well last night. I have a feeling I know why, but I need to hear it from you."

"I'm sorry," Logan sighs, "I was just having an off day." He doesn't mention that Kendall had given him an almost hurt look before he left, and it had been on his mind all night. Camille smiles sympathetically again, and Logan wonders what she knows, or thinks she knows.

"It's okay, you know," she says, placing a hand on his knee, "Kendall's tough to get over. I mean, Jo's been having a hard time with it for awhile now, you're not the only one." Logan's eyes widen and he wonders if he has something written on his forehead, because he thought he was doing a good job of hiding this.

"But the thing is," she continues, smiling, "I don't think you need to. I've seen the way he looks at you Logan. He's been crazy about you since I first met you guys."

"I…what?" Logan says, and that's about all the coherency he can manage. Kendall is crazy about him? He thinks this might make sense, as he turns the idea over in his brain, because it would definitely explain all the times he's done weird things when Logan was staring at him. But then Logan thinks about what would happen if he and Kendall became more than friends, and…well. He really wants it, but it was a lot easier to want it when he was sure it wasn't an actual possibility. The potential consequences for Big Time Rush are huge, Logan thinks, and it could go _very_ badly. Camille gives him an encouraging smile before squeezing his knee and excusing herself, leaving Logan alone with his very confused thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Kendall walks into the Palmwoods lobby to see Logan sitting in the corner, alone, and looking extremely…well, Kendall's not sure how he looks. Confused, possibly. He makes his way over to Logan and sits down next to him, and Kendall's either stealthier than he realised or Logan was really lost in thought, because he jumps a foot in the air as soon as Kendall sits down. Kendall chuckles a little, because Logan is kind of ridiculously adorable.

"You okay?" he asks, and Logan stares at him like he's grown a third eye or something.

"Yeah, I…Camille just told me something, and I wasn't expecting it," he replies, and_ oh_. Camille must have told Logan how big of a crush she has on him (even though it was totally obvious, hearing it out loud is completely different). He's not sure how Logan wasn't expecting that though, because Camille isn't exactly shy about her feelings. Still, if she's what Logan wants then Kendall can be happy for him.

"She finally told you then?" he asks, forcing a smile, "that's great man. You two are great together."

"What? No, it wasn't that," Logan replies, and Kendall definitely does not breathe an inward sigh of relief, because that would just be girly.

"Oh," Kendall says, because he's not sure how else to respond, "what'd she tell you then?" Logan flushes a little and his eyes drop down to focus on his shoes.

"It was about you," he says, and Kendall wonders what Camille could have possibly told Logan about him that would cause this kind of reaction, "she told me you're crazy about me."

"Oh," Kendall says again, because he's eloquent like that.

"Are you?" Logan asks, and Kendall thinks Logan looks really nervous. He debates trying to brush it off, because he's not all that sure that Logan's going to react the way he'd really like him to, and admitting it might make things weird. But Logan is looking at him funny now, and Kendall could swear he actually looks _hurt._

"It's okay," Logan says finally, "I get it. I'm just going to…go, now. I'll see you later." He starts to get up, and Kendall realises that Logan has completely gotten the wrong idea. He grabs Logan's arm as he stands and pulls him back down.

"Logan, wait," he says, "it's not what you think. Camille…she's right Logan. I am crazy about you." Kendall takes a deep breath before continuing, because if he's going to say this he might as well get it all out.

"I didn't say anything because I didn't really think you wanted me to," he continues, "but ever since you kissed me at that hockey game I haven't been able to get it out of my head." Logan is doing his intense stare thing again, which Kendall thinks this is a good sign.

"I tried dating other people to get you out of my head," Kendall says, feeling a little more confident now that he knows Logan's not going to run away, "but I never could. It's always been you Logan." Logan is looking at Kendall like he's never seen him before, and Kendall decides to go for broke. He leans forward and presses his lips firmly against Logan's. It's nothing like that kiss on the ice so many months ago, because it's _Logan_ and it's _everything_. Logan freezes for a minute before melting against Kendall, his arms coming up to wrap around Kendall's shoulders, pulling them together. Kendall breathes an actual sigh of relief this time, and Logan pulls back to shoot him a quizzical look.

"I was worried you wouldn't take this well," Kendall says by way of explanation, and grins.

"You do realise that I've been crazy about you forever," Logan says, with that Kendall-Is-An-Idiot face, "but I thought since you never brought up that kiss at the hockey game that you were trying to let me down gently." Kendall laughs.

"We're both idiots," he says, leaning forward to press their lips together again, "but this is probably not the best place to continue this." He stands up, grabbing Logan's hand to lead him to the elevators.

* * *

><p>Logan can't believe what just happened, because he had fully prepared himself to hear Kendall say that Camille was totally wrong. But Kendall<em> kissed<em> him, and is now leading him up to their apartment and into their shared bedroom, sitting them both down on the bed and leaning in to kiss Logan again. Kendall's hands come up to cup Logan's cheeks and Logan wonders if he's not dreaming, because this? This is everything he's ever wanted. He pulls back to look at Kendall, and Kendall smiles at him like he's the only thing in the entire world.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this," Kendall says, brushing his lips against Logan's again, "I really wish I'd said something sooner."

"The important thing is that you said something at all," Logan says, grinning, "I think we both need to thank Camille." Kendall chuckles, raising an eyebrow.

"Does this mean you want to tell everyone else?" he asks, and Logan pauses for a minute before responding.

"I'm not sure," he replies, "do you want to?"

"I'm not ashamed of you," Kendall replies confidently, "and I don't think anyone we know will have a problem with it. I don't think it's a great idea if we broadcast it everywhere, but I don't want to hide either." Logan nods in agreement, and Kendall leans in to kiss him again.

They get an opportunity later that week to officially tell Mrs Knight, Katie, James and Carlos. Logan didn't want to tell Gustavo and Kelly yet, and Kendall had agreed wholeheartedly. Mrs Knight smiles at them as Kendall wraps his arm around Logan's waist as he tells everyone that they're dating, and Katie rolls her eyes and wanders away, muttering about too much information. Carlos claps them both on the shoulders and tells them it's about time, which makes Logan wonders how obvious they both were. James congratulates them both, but there's something funny about the way he says it, and Logan thinks he looks like he's about to be physically sick. It's obvious to Logan that James is not okay with him dating Kendall, and that _hurts_. Kendall doesn't notice though, so Logan leaves it be for now.


	4. Chapter 4

It takes a few weeks before Logan can't stand it anymore. He'd mentioned to Kendall a few days after they came out how he thought James probably hated them both, and Kendall had tried to reassure him without success. He finds himself going into James and Carlos's room one afternoon, because he has to talk to someone about this and Carlos is the only person he feels comfortable talking to right now. He plops down onto Carlos's bed, sighing, and Carlos comes over to sit next to him, slinging an arm around his shoulders.

"Can I ask you something?" he asks, turning to face Carlos.

"Sure," Carlos replies, letting his arm drop from Logan's shoulders, "everything okay?" Logan sighs again.

"Not really," he says, "I think James hates me." Carlos bursts out laughing at this, and Logan can't believe he would make light of something that's actually kind of serious. He shoots a glare at Carlos, who holds his hands up in apology.

"Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you," he says easily, "I was laughing at you thinking James hates you." He pulls his legs up underneath him before continuing. Logan raises an eyebrow.

"Logan, man, James doesn't hate you," Carlos says, still smiling, "he's terrified, and he's jealous of how easy this is for you." Logan frowns, because he has absolutely no idea what Carlos is talking about.

"How easy what is?" he asks, knowing full well he probably sounds completely oblivious.

"You and Kendall, idiot," Carlos says, punctuating his words with a light punch to Logan's shoulder. "James has been checking out guys here for weeks, and he's been making himself crazy over it."

"_Seriously?_" Logan asks, shocked. He thinks oblivious might be a good term for him right now, but then again, he has had other, Kendall themed things on his mind. "How do you know?"

"Because I've been watching him," Carlos says simply. "He's making himself nuts over this whole thing, and I've been trying to let him know I'm here if he wants to talk about it, but so far he's been avoiding me." Logan is absolutely blown away by this development, and is even more shocked that Carlos picked up on James's issues when no one else had. He's sure his eyes are probably bugging out of his head right now, because Carlos starts laughing at him again.

"Seriously Logan, I'm not joking," he says, grinning, "James is having a sexual identity crisis and thinks none of us noticed." All of a sudden everything makes complete sense to Logan, because it fits perfectly with everything that happened since he and Kendall came out. He's so relieved that he starts laughing, feeling a little hysterical.

"So that's why he looked like he was about to puke on me when Kendall and I came out?" he asks, laughing harder, "I feel so stupid now." Carlos is laughing now too, looking just a little crazed, and then all of a sudden something occurs to Logan. He stops laughing abruptly, staring at Carlos.

"Wait," he says slowly, "you know what a sexual identity crisis is?" Carlos pushes Logan over on the bed.

"I'm not stupid, Logan," Carlos says, still laughing, "I can use the internet to look things up." Logan starts laughing again and sits up, extremely amused at the idea of Carlos searching sexual identity crises on the internet.

"You know, now that I think about it, you're totally right," Logan says, sobering up a little now, "so what do we do about it?"

"I'm not sure," Carlos admits, frowning. "I have a feeling he's not going to be willing to talk about it, he's too wound up over liking guys." Carlos looks a little unsure, and Logan is willing to bet that he didn't really have a plan beyond trying to figure out what was bothering James.

"Maybe," Logan hedges, "maybe he needs someone to _show_ him this isn't a big deal. Like, I don't know, find someone to show him, somehow, that liking guys isn't all bad?" He's not really sure this is a good idea, but Carlos seems kind of desperate so he figures anything is better than nothing. Carlos brightens up at this suggestion though, like he thinks it might actually work.

"That's a great idea," Carlos says. "I think I can do it."

"_You?_" Logan asks, feeling his eyes bug out of his head again, because what on_ earth_ is Carlos talking about? "You're not even gay!" Carlos laughs.

"Says you," he counters, eyes sparkling, "maybe you don't know everything about me Logan." Logan is staring again, wondering vaguely if the whole world turned gay when he had his back turned, because really? The odds of all four of them being gay must be outrageous. He might even calculate it some time. Carlos pats him on the shoulder and stands up.

"I'm going to go put my plan into action," he says, picking his helmet up off the dresser and plopping it on his head, "try not to hurt yourself thinking." Logan glares at him as he leaves, and Carlos grins.

Logan and Kendall head down to the pool later that afternoon, lounging out on the deck for hours, enjoying the last of the sunlight. Just as it's starting to actually get dark James and Carlos come out onto the deck, and James heads straight for Logan. He looks determined, and Logan wonders what happened in the last few hours to make James look like this. Carlos looks happy though, so it can't be that bad. James grabs Logan's hand and hauls him up out of the chair, dragging him off to a more private area. He deposits Logan into an empty chair and sits down across from him, looking an equal mix of determined and really nervous.

"Logan, I owe you an apology," James says, running his hands through his hair, "I made it seem like I wasn't okay with you and Kendall, and I know that hurt you. I was a dick, and I should have come to you with this a lot sooner, but I was having a really hard time with things and I just couldn't." Logan smiles, because it's obvious where James is going now, and he's got to give Carlos credit, his plan obviously worked on some level.

"I'm still having a hard time with saying this, but I don't want to hide it from you anymore," James continues, looking down at his knees, "I'm gay. I've been trying to avoid it, but it didn't work and I'm tired of making myself crazy over it. I'm sorry I was such a jerk when you and Kendall came out, because I'm really happy for you both." Logan feels himself grinning now, because it's such a huge relief to actually hear James say it.

"Apology accepted," he says, "I know how difficult it is to deal with something like this. I'm glad you're getting there." James grins at him.

"Carlos helps," he replies, and his eyes are shining, "but I think I need to return you to Kendall now." They head back over to where Carlos and Kendall are sitting, and Logan can see the remnants of serious irritation on Kendall's face, but it fades as soon as Logan sits down next to him. James clears his throat, looking nervous.

"Kendall, man, I feel like I owe you an apology too," James says, turning to face Kendall, "I was a dick. I just couldn't handle you and Logan having such an easy time with…dating each other and being gay and everything, not when I was having such a hard time with it." Kendall's mouth is hanging open a little, and Logan tries really hard not to snicker at this.

"So I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Logan," James continues, looking a little uncomfortable now, "I'm gay. I've been avoiding it for years now, but I'm tired of making myself crazy over it. And I'm sorry I was such a jerk when you and Logan came out. I just got a little overwhelmed." James is looking at the ground now, and Carlos puts an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close, like he can protect James from the world.

"Are you guys, like, a couple now or something?" Kendall asks, eyebrows raised and a grin on his face. "because we could totally double date then." Logan wants to laugh at this, but the truth is that they probably will - they're best friends, the fact that they've coupled up like this doesn't change that. James looks up at Kendall and grins.

"Dude, that was possibly the gayest thing you've ever said," he says, laughing, "but yes, we are. And I guess we could double date if you _really_ want to." Kendall laughs and grabs James, throwing him into the pool. Logan and Carlos watch as James climbs out of the pool and drags Kendall in with him, making sure to "accidentally" hold him underwater. And everything is finally back to normal, Logan thinks, even though normal for them is pretty relative.


End file.
